Autism Series: The Power of Making Choices

Jun 8, 2018
5 min read

Updated: Jul 2

Every one of us makes dozens of choices throughout a normal day, often without giving it a second thought. But for children with developmental delays and those on the autism spectrum (ASD), choice-making isn't always so automatic — either because communicating a preference is difficult, or because decision-making itself is genuinely hard in certain social situations. That's exactly why teaching choice-making is such a foundational skill: it builds both communication and independence at the same time.

Below, we walk through three real-world scenarios that illustrate common challenges — and the strategies that help.

Scenario 1: When Communication Breaks Down

Picture this: a young child walks into the kitchen while you're preparing a meal. He heads to the fridge, even pulling you toward it. You ask, "What do you want?" — and all he can do is cry, glancing between you and the fridge, tugging you closer.

This is a communication breakdown in real time. As a parent, you may sense he's hungry and pull a few things out of the fridge, but if it's not what he actually wanted, frustration builds — and a meltdown often follows. What's missing here is an effective way for the child to communicate his specific need.

Using Choices to Build Communication

Offer the child choices. Giving a child concrete choices allows them to communicate a need clearly, instead of relying on a parent to guess correctly. It can be as simple as holding out a biscuit in one hand and an apple in the other when your child is hungry — letting them "tell" you what they want by choosing.

Start with just two choices. For children with limited communication skills, begin small. Too many options at once can be overwhelming and actually make the strategy less effective, not more.

Use visuals alongside choices. Children with ASD often learn and focus best with visual supports — photos, pictures, or miniature objects. A visual choice board is one of the most effective tools for this, giving your child something concrete to point to or select.

Teach the child how to indicate a choice. Having the choices in front of your child doesn't automatically mean they know how to respond. An adult or therapist often needs to explicitly teach this — through pointing (finger, hand, or even eye gaze), physically picking up an object or picture, or verbally naming the choice.

Create regular opportunities to practice. Build choice-making into daily routines — mealtime, bath time, getting dressed — so the skill gets reinforced consistently, not just occasionally.

It's worth noting this strategy isn't limited to non-verbal children. Verbal children with ASD can benefit too — sometimes finding the right words in the moment is the hard part, and visual choices give them another reliable way to express a need.

Scenario 2: Building Independence Through Choices

Now imagine telling your child to get ready to leave the house. He's just woken up, and needs to be walked through each step — brush teeth, choose clothes, bathe, comb hair — one at a time.

He may have the individual skills for each task, but struggles to prioritize and sequence them toward the bigger goal of "getting ready." That breakdown in sequencing quietly undermines independence — which is exactly where structured choice-making comes in.

Using Visual Choices to Build Independence

For daily routines that require independence — choosing clothes, picking shoes — children with ASD can sometimes struggle simply because they don't know how to make the choice, not because they lack preferences. A short instruction from an adult about how to choose, paired with a simple, limited visual choice (blue shirt or red shirt, blue shoes or black shoes), helps the child complete the task with far less ongoing guidance.

This same approach works well for "what's next" decisions too — choosing a game during free play, or picking the next worksheet during class time. The visual choice strategy applies just as effectively here.

Teaching Big vs. Small Decisions

It also helps to teach the difference between "big" and "small" decisions. Small, everyday decisions — what to wear, what to play — can be handled with minimal adult involvement once the skill is established. Bigger decisions can still involve guidance or assistance from a parent or caregiver.

Scenario 3: Choices for Social Skills and Emotional Regulation

Consider a child who genuinely loves playing with peers and is fairly competitive — but hates losing, to the point of a meltdown whenever a game doesn't go his way. His peers don't know how to respond, and an adult always has to step in.

This child needs help learning to manage the emotional outcome of a game — not to avoid losing, but to choose how he reacts when it happens.

Helping the Child Understand Outcomes

Before a child can choose an appropriate response, they need to understand what outcomes actually look like. Role-playing and direct discussion work well here — talking through a game like carrom, for example, and what it means to end up with more coins (winning) versus fewer (losing).

Teaching Socially Appropriate Behavioral Choices

Once your child understands possible outcomes, the next step is helping them choose a socially appropriate response from a small set of options:

Talk explicitly about the outcomes of the game or situation.
Name the emotions tied to each outcome (winning = happy or excited; losing = disappointed or frustrated).
Revisit and "replay" the situation, showing two visual choices for how to respond — for example, saying "I'm sad, let's play again" versus kicking the game board.
Prepare emotion choice cards tied to specific situations that your child can reference in the moment.

Why Choice-Making Matters Long-Term

Teaching a child with ASD to make choices isn't just about avoiding a single meltdown — it's a foundational skill that touches communication, independence, and emotional regulation all at once. With consistent practice, visual support, and the right opportunities built into daily life, choice-making becomes a genuine tool your child can rely on well beyond any one scenario.

If your child struggles to communicate needs or make decisions independently, a speech-language pathologist or behavioral therapist can help build a personalized choice-making plan.

Book a free autism screening with 1SpecialPlace to get started.